A month or so ago, I posted Six Reasons to Share More Meals Around Your Dining Room Table. I hope some of you have spent a few more dinners at home. If you have, share your experiences here or on Facebook. One of my goals for this blog is to have conversations with you all about your Imperfect Families as you learn more about mine. You all know one sided conversations are pretty dull and boring, so let’s talk.
Anyway, one of the results of sharing more meals together is more meaningful conversations. I have grown to love the conversations we have around our table. Recently, Kris was over for dinner and told us about the book he was reading about the original stories that modern fairy tales were patterned after. Jack and the Beanstalk was definitely not a G or even PG story, that is for sure. Enter at your own risk.
Recent studies have shown that our kids are spending more and more time communicating via social media and technology. No huge surprise, right? A direct result is we spend less time communicating with each other face to face. To put it simply, the more time we spend glued to our devices, the less quality time we spend with each other. Not that technology is totally to blame. We had plenty of distractions before Facebook and Twitter. We humans have a way of injuring those that are closest to us. Cain and Abel, anyone?
So, below are 7 simple ways to have great conversations with your kids. I have never been a master conversationalist (quite the opposite actually) so these have helped me to dig a little deeper when talking with my family.
1. Ask specific questions
“How are you doing?” is gonna get the pat answer all kids know from birth, “Fine”. “How was your day?” is a good start, but won’t get you far. Ask about the specific quiz or test that came up today. Ask about a specific friend or acquaintance. Ask for one good thing that happened today. Or even one bad thing. Get their attention by showing some interest in what they are interested in. More on that later.
2. Ask different questions
They will catch on quick if you always ask it they enjoyed PE everyday. (They probably didn’t) Mix it up. Keep them slightly off kilter. Repeat occasionally, but only occasionally.
3. Put down the phone or book or tablet or whatever
O boy. Guilty as charged. These days we have traded our Ward Cleaver newspapers for life sucking smart devices that are blatantly trying to control every moment of our lives. We have to put them down. Time is too short to ignore the most important gifts God has given us. Focus on your kids alone for a while. Your Fantasy League team can wait until they are in bed.
4. Look them square in the eye
Since we have put the devices down, we have no where else to look but right in their innocent attention starved eyes. Aren’t they beautiful? Of course they are! As you gaze into their eyes they will return the attention. Connection made. You are conversating for real now!!
[shareable]Good and great conversations are a vital component of your Imperfect Family.[/shareable]
5. Find out what interests them and act interested…even if you are not.
Ugh. This is hard. I am so not a baseball fan. My third oldest daughter, Jenna, got bit by the Cardinal bug that devours innocent souls here in Eastern Missouri. So, guess what? I became a Cardinals fan, too. The two of us attended our first game together this fall. NLDS 2015. It was great!! Every time I hear or read news about the Cards, I make it a point to ask her about it. Sometimes, I am more up to date then she is. Ha! I love to scoop her on Red Bird news. And I know she secretly likes it although she will never admit it…
Warning!! Don’t be fake, they will see right through that. It will be difficult, I know. Be interested in what they are interested in because you are interested in them. That will mean the world to them.
6. Take the time to do nothing with your kids.
I didn’t say don’t do anything with you kids. That is counterproductive. But just be with them and do nothing. Make plans to not make plans. Sit on the couch. Lie on the floor. Listen to what they say. You don’t always have to be actively doing something. Just being with them tells them you like them for who/what they are, not for what they can do or anything else superficial. You love them because they are your kids and that is enough. I have really learned to love these times. We often find ourselves reminiscing about silly times and laughing about each others imperfections. Great memories.
7. Shut up and listen hard.
This may be the most important. Ears wide open, mouth closed tight. Yes, life was so much more difficult when you were young. Yes, you trudged across desert sands and through chest high snow drifts. Yes, your first job was scrubbing floors with a one bristled tooth brush. Yes, your teachers made Hitler look like Martha Stewart. Yes, we know…now shut up. They don’t always want your advice. They don’t always need to know how hard you had it. Sometimes they just want you to listen. They just want to be heard. Shhhh. No response necessary. Quiet please. Thank you.
Good and great conversations are a vital component of your Imperfect Family.
OK, so now its your turn to join our conversation!! How else can we improve our communication as a family? I would love to hear your suggestions now that you have heard mine. Leave a comment below or head on over to Facebook.