—the beginning
—If you haven’t read them yet, sneak over and read Part One and Part Two first. It will all make more sense. Thanks –JR
Six years ago. Doesn’t seem possible. Nah, can’t be.
Let’s see. Bekah turned three in March. She was born in 2016. An election year. Oh, yeah. How could I forget?? Senator Ted Cruz of Texas was running for the Presidential Republican ticket…and he was my guy.
I had scored tickets for his rally here in the area. Was going to take my kids to their first political rally. What a good dad. 🙂 Part of raising civically responsible kids.
Bekah decided I didn’t need to go and made her grand entrance to the world in the early morning hours of the Saturday “Lyin’ Ted” was in St Louis.
Oh well. He lost to that other guy anyway. (What was his name again???)
Alright, so Joshie turned five on June 26. Born in 2014.
So, yeah, 2013 was six years ago.
Six years.
If you can’t tell, I’m sorta stalling. I have been stalling for eleven months. Or, truthfully, I have been stalling for six years.
<inhale…exhale>
Ok…here goes. It has been six years. So some of the details might be a little off. I will do my best.
“Josh.”
“Yeah. What is it?”
She reluctantly showed me the light blue plus sign on the small stick she was holding. Yup. Positive.
<Sigh>
We had been right here so many times. But this time was different. Would make a perfect dozen.
Funny thing was, we never really needed those little bearers of destiny called pregnancy tests. We always both know. But we wouldn’t say much.
I would look at her with eyes slightly slitted open, head slightly cocked to the side. Then she would burn through me with her beautiful green eyes, eyebrows slightly scrunched as if to say, “Don’t even look at me like that, Bucko. We are in this together!”
And she was right. We were. We are. In this together. For life.
The little plastic test was just a confirmation of what we already knew.
And then she cried.
And I wanted to. But didn’t.
We weren’t ready for another baby.
She just wanted a break. A pause. She wasn’t being selfish…just tired.
Judge us if you must. But we were not ready to do this again.
Another Rod coming into the world. What is one more, right?
<Double sigh>
We would look back on these days with guilt and shame. How could we be sad that Jared was on the way. How selfish. Of course, there was no way to know what would come–
Ring…ring.
“Hi, Lady. What did they say?”
She chuckled. “You know what they said.”
“I know. But I wanted to hear you say it.”
“Whatever. I’m not saying anything, Mister. I scheduled the ultrasound.
“Ok. When is it?”
She told me.
“Do you want me to go.”
“No, its ok. ” She seemed a little distracted. Who could blame her?
“Lady…”
“Yeah?”
“How about we get in my van and just drive. Let’s run away together. Drive until we can go no further and then go even further than that. What do you say?”
“Nope.”
“Grrr. Why?”
“I have to pick up the kids from school at 3. Then we have to clean the school. No running away together today.”
“Ok. But…someday?”
“Sure. But not today.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Nope.”
“Next week? Next month?”
“Maybe.”
“Ok. Works for me. Talk to you later. Love you!”
“Love you, too.”
You know, I just realized that a couple weeks ago, we got our run away trip Vikki and I got in the van (a different van) and drove for hours. It was pretty great. Not a romantic trip by any stretch, but great to be together. Man, I love that Lady of mine. We didn’t keep driving. We came back. With a van stuffed full of kids and luggage. The story of our crazy wonderful lives..
Do all doctor’s office get their sanitizer from the same company? Or is there only one scent of sanitizer? Because they all smell the same.
We were sitting in the waiting room. The night before, I had decided to go with Vikki to the ultrasound, after deciding I wasn’t going to go a couple days before. What a great husband, right? Ha!
This one will be like the same as the others, I thought. Why would it be any different? No reason to think otherwise.
The tech got Vikki comfortable. Squeezed that gel over her cute little tummy and started sliding that ultrasound thingie (its actually called that…google it) all over her belly. Finally, as always, a something remotely resembling a humanoid came into view.
The tech went to work. Flipping the view, measuring, doing this, doing that. Doing her job.
But…something just didn’t look right to me. I didn’t say anything. I’m a Credit Union President. What do I know about ultrasonic imaging? Pretty much nothing. But still when I look at the head, it seems…
“It’s a boy!”
Wait?!!? What??!?
A boy? A boy? A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!
“We’ve had like 20 girls (actually 7) in a row.” I told the tech. “We have been waiting for this boy for a looooong time.”
“That’s great.”
She forced a weak smile. She quickly looked away from us and focused on tapping, measuring, rolling that little ball around creating polygons and ovals on the little green screen that showed us our new baby boy.
She was suddenly all business. Not another word. Tapping. Rolling. Taking notes.
And I knew. Something wasn’t right. No, something was wrong. Very wrong.
She quickly left the room. Leaving us alone.
But we were never alone. Not at that moment. Not two months later when Jared came into the world, but never took a breath. Not for the few hours we were able to hold him, look at him, touch him. Not when we finally had to say goodbye as the nurse carried him away. Not when we walked out of the hospital without a new little one. Not less than a week later when we laid the body of Jared Joshua Rodriguez into a tiny box it was lowered into the ground. Not on his actual due date two months later. Not when we lived every hour of each day with tears begging to fall from already red eyes. Not for a single moment have we been alone.
I want you to know why. I want you to know the Friend that sticks closer than a brother. I want you to know that in the darkest of night. There is One who will never leave you nor forsake you.
If Jared’s life has taught me anything, it has taught me there is hope. But not in what you will find in this life. But in the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
More to come. For real this time.
Please share these posts out anywhere you can. I want as many people to hear about this little boy that I never had the opportunity to meet, but he changed my life forever.
–Josh